& with the last, I teared so badly again.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Empty
I have never felt this sad and empty before. When my pillar of support is giving up on me, I am truly left with nothing else to say and do. I never want to cry this much ever again, but today I just did it again. It's not easy for me I swear. It's very much tough to be forced to be strong overnight. I am given with no choice but to move on. What other options do I have anyway? It wasn't easy. Indeed it was tough, but I wish to stay strong.
Now all that is left is just prayers, for you to be happy and safe always. & for me, to stay strong come what may. But nobody understands. Not even the closest one. I lost someone so dear, now I lost the trust of my closest people in my life as well. What am I left with seriously?
In the midst of that arguement in the car just now, I really felt like jumping out of the door while the car was moving really fast. At least I can run away from all the mess in life, particularly my life. Life is nothing but a pain. Every single moment is very much depressing. Amazing how that suicidal thought just rang through my mind. God is great. Just by closing my eyes, HIS name was all I see and instantlly HE stop me from doing what was whirling in my mind. Syukur alhumdulilah.
But truly, I have been through enough. The support and trust of my family is all I need. I don't need this anymore. I am tired. I am truly tired to face my own life. I know what I'm doing, please trust me on this and give me your fullest support. I am doing all this for you. Why is it so hard for you guys to understand?
Since everyone is giving up on me, one day I should just give up on life. Noone will have to worry or sympathize me anymore. One can't truly love me, seriously. They just sympathizes me all the time. Or rather worry about me. How weak was I? I will not be anymore, please stop it already. I don't need you people to be worry, I just need care. I don't need sympathy, I just need love. A sincere one.
Dear God, I lost my love, I don't want to lose my family's love too. Else, I am left with nothing and I will be weakened again. I cannot live with all that. Please God, have mercy. Amin.
Now all that is left is just prayers, for you to be happy and safe always. & for me, to stay strong come what may. But nobody understands. Not even the closest one. I lost someone so dear, now I lost the trust of my closest people in my life as well. What am I left with seriously?
In the midst of that arguement in the car just now, I really felt like jumping out of the door while the car was moving really fast. At least I can run away from all the mess in life, particularly my life. Life is nothing but a pain. Every single moment is very much depressing. Amazing how that suicidal thought just rang through my mind. God is great. Just by closing my eyes, HIS name was all I see and instantlly HE stop me from doing what was whirling in my mind. Syukur alhumdulilah.
But truly, I have been through enough. The support and trust of my family is all I need. I don't need this anymore. I am tired. I am truly tired to face my own life. I know what I'm doing, please trust me on this and give me your fullest support. I am doing all this for you. Why is it so hard for you guys to understand?
Since everyone is giving up on me, one day I should just give up on life. Noone will have to worry or sympathize me anymore. One can't truly love me, seriously. They just sympathizes me all the time. Or rather worry about me. How weak was I? I will not be anymore, please stop it already. I don't need you people to be worry, I just need care. I don't need sympathy, I just need love. A sincere one.
Dear God, I lost my love, I don't want to lose my family's love too. Else, I am left with nothing and I will be weakened again. I cannot live with all that. Please God, have mercy. Amin.
Saturday, February 04, 2012
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