Irreplaceable

Nothing feels right without him by my side.
The man who taught me how to love,
I want to be in your arms real soon.
i want you,
i need you,
i miss you...

Finally Back

Wow, lamer tu I leave this blog to rot.
Anyways, been busy.
Graduation ceremony and concert done now left with parent teacher meeting.
Banyak tu portfolio bebudak aku belum buat.
My own teacher portfolio assignment lom buat nak buat 25 children portfolio.
Mati la Ms. Liza oi!

Life's been A-Ok.
Except for the fact that I have had lesser resting time nowadays though its still the holiday season. Gees...

Actually I don't know who else even blog nowadays since they are busy facebooking, twittering (if that's how it is spelt) and whatever-ing but oh well I'd still prefer blogging.
It's nice to read through my past blog entries during my free time.
Some can make me laugh and some can me me cry thinking of the good old times that has ended. So basically I will still continue blogging even if no one reads it because this blog really serves like diary to me.
Fikir-fikir balek dah lamer tu aku bukak blog ni! Haha...

Lately when Sham's back, it was definitely the best.
Can't wait for him to come back to me like real soon again.
How I miss that man so much.
I have always love the song "I just wanna spend my life with you" from the movie Neal and Nikki.
& when I hear it again recently, I just feel like singing it to Sham.
The lyrics is really meaningful & for those who are like bad at words, maybe you can dedicate this song to your love ones too.
Actually this video is kindda too mushy though but oh well, the lyrics there... so bacer lyrics ignore the other visuals.
Well, I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you Sham syg!

That day...

That day, she came back.
That day, he came back.
& nothing can make me any happier.

Never expected to spent Hari Raya Haji that way hun.
Only him can make me feel on top of the world.
Felt indeed touched and honoured with his words.

Heck, I love my man.

& Another long wait for your return safely my love.
Meanwhile, do take care.
ilmy.

H.A.P.P.Y

Weekends was just normal.
Not much besides going out with the parents yesterday and doing my portfolio today.
But the best part about today is I managed to do quite a lot for my portfolio.
Yes yes yes!!
Managed to follow the agenda set for me today. =)

At least some discipline.
So i'm like so gonna stop work now to watch NARNIA!
It feels so good to be at home on a Sunday minus doing assignments of course!
Shiok habes!

Twentieth!

The best part about twentieth is...

He can never forget...

He's just one in a million.
I love you sweetheart!
Happy twentieth syg! =)

-Missed-

The two people I've been really missing a lot...

The love of my life.
Going to be almost 2 weeks since I last seen him.
God knows how much I miss this guy of mine.
Always praying for your safety sweet love.

& yes, the cute granny is truly missed.
Wake up just now morning with tears rolling down my cheeks.
Dreamt about nenek.
In the dream, she was patting me to sleep.
Snapping back to reality, I can never feel that kind of 'manja-ness from a nenek' anymore.
Each time I pass her room, I can't help but to stare and imagine that she's there.
Now that she's no more, no one will compliment like she does.

"Wah, cantek lah adek. make-up nyer dengan baju kener. Pergi tunjuk Hisham, dah pakai cantik-cantik gini." - My nenek.

H stands for...

H is for Hisham! Yea!
Ok that's not what I teach my kids... Haish...
Choreographing dance for my K1s & K2s Graduation concert is definitely exhausting.
Master of Ceremony yet again.
Takder role lain ke?
Dah penat-penat gini, I just wanna do one thing.
Watch tv while cuddling my Muhd Hisham!
I was browsing my pictures with Sham when I came across this picture.
Comel per muke matairku? Haha...
Rindunyer sama ini mamat! =(

Ish, makes me miss him more!
Nak Sham!
Was glad that he is actually thinking about that day.
In fact, he had already make arrangements for that day.
We are both praying hard for that day to happen. Insya'allah!
Syg, come back soon please, I need you. =(

Tired

Done with kenduri.
Phew tiring.
& guess what!
Desktop's back from hospital this morning too.
But sadly scanner still couldn't work because just got to know my printer's sick too.
& the person said it's meant to be since my both my printer and com is like more than 7 years old. Gees... lamer jugak bertahan.
But ok lah boleh print dah alhumdulilah.
Motherboard CPU-ku rosak and so it cost me a bomb.
Please ehh jgn lah rosak lagi! Tak mampu aku nak bayar lagi. Ish!

Tiring day today but it was fun to see the cousins again.
As usual, it is sure to be noisy with them around.
& the aunties can never stop teasing me infront of syg's parents. Gees...

& syg's present to me (iPod) is their addiction today.
Especially when dearest Abg Ayie put in fun games for me.
Alangkah seronoknyer dier org main2 iPod tersygku the whole day.
Dah habes battery baru kasi balek! Thanks eh! Haha...

Thursday night was awesome.
But it was too short.
It's not enough.
In fact it can NEVER be enough.

Boy, I'm so in love with you! <3

Some anger...

How would you feel if you hear someone is just trying to badmouth you just as soon as you came home from a tired day at work?
Let me answer that, the words are "Super FURIOUS!"
Heck, work was exhausting and to hear all that when I reach home...
Anyone on earth too will get piss!

Like hello, can you bloody stop seeing other people's bad side and start badmouthing them?
Hey, you ain't perfect too.
You'll never know you're worst than anyone else.

I never like the idea of throwing my anger at my blog.
My blog is too nice for all this but I really can't stand it.
Too bad that I have to come across this entry if I were to browse through my past post in future.

For goodness sake, stop being such a hypocrite will you?!
& another thing, stop putting words in my mouth damn you.
Else your mouth will just starts to sore so badly as everything you said was just untrue.
No wonder there's so many out there who dislikes you badly.
My mistake to not believe them.
Gosh! Nothing beats the anger I encounter today.

Neither do I need your help nor your sympathy.
Just bloody get outta my life.
You never fail to annoy me you know but I was rather patient with your attitude.
My patience has its limits too alright.
I've been through a lot of shits and I never needed you to be there for me.
So please, stop being such a pain!

Urgh!! I can't believe I'm saying all this here.
With such 'good' english some more.
Such uncontrollable anger.
Btw, saper yg terase tu too bad for you!
I feel like saying this so much to this idiot, "Mulut macam pantat ayam ah!"

Urgh!!!
That's it I'm off!

Work Work Work

Teaching have been fine, except that the hassle of lesson plans never stops.
The usuals, these kids can be such monkeys yet adorable.
Work's tiring but their nonsense really make my day though.
Haha... & what more can I say...
I miss my boy...
Oh boy, I'm so in love with him.
Come back soon darling, you're so missed!

10 days w/o you. =(

Twentieth!

It's the twentieth!
Which makes us Yusham 32 months old and 972 days.
We've exchanged our well-wishes last Saturday because for sure syg will not get reception since he's sailing.
Will look forward for more months, days and years with you my love.
Ilmytteot hun. (Only dearie Sham know what that means... hee!)

&& a birthday shout out to the great friend, Sharifa darling!
Finally you're 21! So except the fact! LOL!
Happy Birthday sweetie!
May Allah bless you with great health & wealth always. Amin!

A Perfect Saturday Night <3

Yesterday's date with love was just AWESOME! I had butterflies in my stomach while I'm on my way to meet this boyfriend of mine. I don't know why but whenever I meet him for a date, it's like the first date we had. Hee... was extremely happy and excited the moment he says he's able to go offshore. =)

We were whirling together the moment we met as Sham carried me in his arm. Macam hindustan la gitu kan... HAHA! Romantic la sehh matair aku sorang ni! Haha... We don't even care if people were like practically watching us. Ahh... don't care, all that we know was we were extravanganzaly happy to see each other again. Went to have dinner at The Mussel Guy restaurant right after. It was a really nice dinner with lovely company. Boy, how I miss him. To get to see him again, I just can't let go of him. Spent the night talking and catching up about what had happened since we were far away from each other. & how time passes when I'm with love. Wouldn't it be nice if time freezes right at that moment. =( I haven't and will never get enough of my boy and there he have to leave again. Again, it breaks the heart.

Syg, I know it have been tough on you to be working like this but don't worry ok dear, like you say, kiter susah dulu senang kemudian tau ok sygku? You have safe journey and do take care while working. It worries me to know you're unwell recently. Thanks for the lovely night and thanks for the gifts syg. The DVDs are definitely the best! =) Thanks a lot love. Most importantly, thanks for loving me syg. Don't you dare have wild thoughts like that because I'll marry no one else but only you my love. Stay strong and always remember I'll always wait for your return safely. Yusliza is just so in love with you Muhammad Hisham! Miss you boy...

He's mine & only mine now & forever.
Allrightsreserved. =)

Don't miracles happen?

Never at ease & will never be pleased,
Until the eye meets,
with such gaze, I plead.

Boy, how I miss him...

Awesome Saturday!

Lappie is well again. thanks to Lin's brother for the great help. Actually I'm really tired to blog but today was just an awesome day. So I'm gonna blog everything that had happened lately quickly and off to meet my lover boy at lalaland. Hee... Ok great things happened to me for that past few days. Here it goes...

2nd October, my man turned twenty-three! Happy Belated Birthday dearest. I get to wish him on the phone only. HIs present is still with me. =( How I miss him!

4th October I turned twenty-one. Early in the morning I the sweetest delivery from love. And guess what I get for my birthday. My first twenty-first present. Taa daa...

His love note for me... hee...

It's definitely the best birthday present ever. Thanks syg! It's really lovely but I felt so guilty that you have to spend such a bomb for this. There's an engraving at the back of my dear iPod which says "For my Dearest on her 21st. With Love- Sham". Sweet la sehh! Adoi!! I miss my syg so bloody much la. Nak sham! =( Thanks once again hun!

Nothing much to celebrate about because I'm just getting older each passing year. & I gotta admit being an adult ain't that easy. So basically the close ones did not wish me on that day. So yeah, I thought every one's busy. Sham too is not able to come call me due to unavailability of reception but his present is enough to make me smile so wide on my birthday. It will be better if he's in the delivery. Ok, I wish!!

So 5th October seems like a normal day for me. Go to work as per normal but receive a bad news from Sham. He's not able to meet me though he's in Singapore that day as he had to sail to Bangla straight away. Bangla means far, means he's gonna come back only after 15 to 18 days. Like WTF!!!! Urgh!!! I felt so terrible that I cried while talking to him on the phone when children were asleep. I swear I felt extremely terrible and weak. All I need was him. I even cried in the bus on my way back home that day.

Until I reached home and opened my room door. I received a really pleasant surprise. I swear it was the best birthday surprise ever. There stood Lin, Sharifah, Reshmel and Dayah in my room. How can I not be shock! Haha... It's really sweet guys. Thanks so much. I'm really touched. Thanks to Lin who have planned and pakat with my family since like 2 weeks ago. & it was aban's idea that noone wish me as yet. Like, wth. Hahaha... here's some pictures of the awesome birthday surprise.

The transformation they made to my room. 21 heart shape balloons on my bed. =)
So I slept with so many balloons this few days. Feeling2 macam princess. LOL!

Truffle cake thanks to abang. & muker tgh sememek after crying. Lol!

Thank you so much adek Ina and the mum for the presents.

& then comes 10th October. As planned earlier, Lin & Me need to do some retail therapy. I can't remember when was the last time I did any shopping. Was suppose to go to Eda's twenty-first birthday party but was not able to because its far and the parents don't want me to go back home alone late at night. So yeah. I bought jeans, bag, iPod cover and screen protacter, purse and yes we took neoprints! Haha... awesome day today. Thanks Lin! I really enjoyed myself. & today we both have curls ya'all.

&&&, loverboy message. Get to hear his voice yesterday too. Maka terubat la sikit rinduku padanya. Sikit jer ehh, tak cukup langsung! =( *sobx* & the fact is Yus & Sham is sick, LOVE SICK! =(

"I don't know about remedy but I know what I'll keep doing. I'll keep on living day by day hoping and wishing I'll be back with you. For now, I'm gonna sleep yet another day without you away. So it will bring me closer to beautiful you. We say goodbye to today and we'll say hello to another day closer to us."- Sham

I tear so bad as I read that message of his. Haish, Yus nak Sham so badly, pleeeeeeeeease! Who even understand us. =( So sesungguhnyer Yus sungguh ngantuk.com! This whole week was just about work then tuition due to PSLE and final year exams. There's tuition still tomorrow. Yes, even on a Sunday! Sungguh tak cukup tdo! Grr... da la! Nak gi bobok and meet him at lalaland. Toodles world!

Worried

Responsibilities arise as your age increase each year.
I guess I'm feeling the tense now.
First day of work today was great except for the call I received while I'm teaching.

Haish... I guess money is never enough in this world.

Back working at Kinsland Educare.
Just that this time round, I'm not a student teacher but a permanent teacher till next year.
Taking over the old class, K1 and K2.
Was talking about how cute Guo You was with Lin the other day.
How I miss him... was so glad to see him again today. =)

The only thing that makes me smile or laugh today were the children.
The children are having Mid-Autumn lantern celebration concert tomorrow.
So first day was a hectic one, yet looking at their performance makes the teachers smile from ear to ear.

I'm glad that at least the children are there to cheer me up at stressful times.
I didn't even have the appetite to have anything the whole day.
Kalau gemuk pun naseb... haish...

Ok this is random, but I guess I'm just letting this off my chest here.
Well, I'm just disappointed by your reluctance.
I should have known, it's just another day.
I should have known I'm not as important after all.
No matter what thanks for everything, I still love you the same.

Ok, this got nothing to do with my Sham love.
Sham have been there for me though he's always far away.
Can never thank him enough for all the help he'd given me.

Thanks my love.
Thanks everyone.

Splendid Tuesday!

Yes, today is The Three Musketeers day out.
Haha... so that's how I spent my first day of holidays.
Then Resh suggested for a neoprint session.
As usual our dearest Shariffah will not like that idea but too bad she have no choice.
We drag her and force her to pose.
Muahaha... Love the day... Love my girls...

My scanner is such a pain.
I don't understand why its not working.
So that explains the bad quality of the pictures displayed above.
Can't wait for the next meet up for more catching up session.
Love you ladies...

Getting there...

After such a long time again, I'm updating. A lot happened since the last time I updated. After exactly a month I lost dearest uncle, beloved grandma left me too. It was just too shocking and abrupt. I felt so lost when nenek left us just like that. What more it was 2 days before raya. No wonder there wasn't much mood for raya this year. Adek lagi tak puas bermanje dengan nenek... =(

Each time I pass Nenek's room, I'll imagine she's sitting there watching tv or reading the Qur'an. Haish... No more company to watch tv 2 every Monday night, P.Ramlie show. No more reminders to eat medicine everyday at 8pm. No one else to say I'm beautiful each time I wear something new. Oh God, I so miss my cute nenek. Adek doakan akan ketenangan nenek disana. Semoga roh nenek dicucuri rahmat. Al-Fateha.

& then a week after nenek left us, my other uncle from the maternal side who had been suffering from cancer since 2 years ago passed away too. He had always been the nice uncle who never fail to make me laugh whenever we see each other during Hari Raya. This raya seems so quiet.

Tears never stop rolling from my cheecks each time I hear the Takbir. Sungguh sayu dan menyedihkan. Reminiscing the beautiful past with the love ones makes me weak and broke down to buckets of tears. This Ramadhan and Syawal is really a sad sad one for my family and I. Thanks to peers like Lin, Sydi, Man, Khai, Shazz and some others who were really concern about me and not forgetting the cousin, kak Liza for always being there for my family.

Sham came back only for a few hours a week after raya. Am so so glad to see him after so long, but it was really really a short time spent together and of course I can never get enough of him. =( Gosh, makes me miss him even more now that I'm talking about him. But he promise that the next one will be just me and him since its our birthday. That sound really really good tau syg! Haish... after which he might be sailing to Bangladesh again. Urgh! Which means not seeing him for like more than a month or so. Haish... I don't know what's going to happen of me for that period of time missing and not seeing him. I'm not as strong as you expect me to be. I don't know how to face this. Oh God, please give me strength.

God knows how I really want Sham to be with me when Nenek left. I was at my lowest yet I'm still alone. I hate to say this but I really hate his job and people, think twice please if you are considering Marine Engineering. At least spare a thought for your girlfriend. =( Sham said the sweetest thing when we met the other day. I'm really flattered. You are getting so so HOT each passing day too hun. Ahhh... I miss that guy! I'll stop here else, I'll turn crazy. Really! Because I'm just too crazily in love with him and only him.

After all that happen I can't be bothered as much for raya. But ok tak baik kan, so yes I sambut raya ala kadar aje. Felt seriously exhausted. Had tahlil for 3 days straight and the 7th day. The plan to do something to my hair to the salon and all ceased and this is what I did to my hair myself when I went out for raya visiting on the 6th & 7th day of raya. I guess, my straight hair still looks fine and I don't need to do anything to it as yet. As long as it looks presentable, ok la...

Today is not a good day either. Unlucky day I must say. =( The most unluckiest thing that happened was, I accidentally deleted the whole lot of hindi songs in my external hard disk as I was transfering stuff from my laptop to the hard disk. Like WTF??!! There goes like Shariffah's, Shazzman's, Luqman's and maybe some others effort in helping me to download hindi songs since the past 4-5 years. I just feel like hitting my head really hard for this. Urgh!! A.N.N.O.Y.E.D!!!!!!

Will not be updating any sooner either as lappie will be sent to Lin's brother for further treatment. Something is really wrong with lappie. Really hope that no reformating is required. Last day of semester 1 today and holidays starts from tommorrow. But I don't think its much of a holiday since I haven't start anything for my Teacher Portfolio for Juliana's module, Development of a Teacher Portfolio which is due next year. I keep telling myself that I should start like really soon. This is not some kind of assignment that can be done last minute. Maybe first step will be just collecting relevant artifacts for 10 principles. Haish... penat laa...

confusion

I can only envy girls with that kindda hair.
It's not like I can't have it, but I just don't look good with it because my hair's thin.
I even think I'm balding! Gee, goodness!

I know its not good to not look forward for raya.
But oh well, a lot of things happened lately that I don't really have the mood for raya.
But gees gees, I am still happy raya datang lagi!
But ramadhan's gonna leave soon. =(

As much as I am not so into raya this year, I still wanna look presentable.
& the condition of my hair now is so not helping.
I don't wanna rebond, neither do I wanna go to the salon to curl.
Natural hair too may not be a good idea as for now.
Ahhh..... how how?
Should I just get the hair curler and start curling it myself? (though I don't really know how it works)
Straigth hair with hair straightener? (like usual!) :
Haish...

On a brighter note, Sham love message me this morning to say he misses me.
*smiles*

Huge Updates

Phew, it seems like dinosaur years since I last blog. Haha... ok that is so exaggerated. As usual, busy busy me. Haish, feel so lethargic and exhausted. However, interesting things do happen along the way. Haha... so decided to blog today since the important assignments for this week are all done. So here goes the highlights of the few weeks back.

First and foremost, 28th August 2009. Lin's birthday la sehh!! Haha... The day started off with me sabo-ing Lin. I proudly asked Kak Fiza O to sabo Lin in 'Birthday RadiO'. We were suppose to have Environmental Impact meeting on that day but it was cancel. So while she was sleeping, jeng jeng jeng. Kak Fiza call. Maka seluruh Singapura telah mendengar suara Lin yang basi itu. Haha... anyone heard her on air? Haha... we were so freaking excited la. It was definitely a good start of the day for Lin. First surprise accomplish. After which we carried on with our plan that is to break fast together. And so I'll let the picture do the talking...

Told her that I have no present for her... so gave her a small birthday card only first during dinner. Hee... After dinner, second surprise. Khai!! She meet us after dinner straight. & definitely Lin was shock and H.A.P.P.Y!! It's been so long since the three musketeers meet each other. Haha... the gossiping and catching up session was super duper nice!! Then here I gave her a third surprise. My birthday present for her. Hahaha... & the picture talks again...

So plan's a great success. Surprises went on plan and that Friday was a blast!! Btw, Abg Fir join us too. Went Shee-shaing at Al-majlis. & of course its been dinosaur years too since we hang out there. Seriously, a looooong time since we've been there. Hahaha... & then on Thursday, 3rd September, the three musketeers plus Abg Fir had iftar at my place. Big feast la sehh. Aper tak, my beloved mama cooked so many nice foods!! Nasi ayam, mee soto and I can't remember what else. But i know everyone was so full and bloated. Sampaikan Abg Fir tdo la sehh lepas makan. Hahaha... Aiyo... I had tuition while they watch some movie with my parents. & after tuition guess what we do?... Jeng jeng jeng...

Bunga api!! Deprive of the childhood years. Wahahaha!!! Best la sehh... kan lin, kan kan kan? Kan Khai, kan kan kan? Don play play!! We only can play!! Woo hooo.... ohh... we went to Sungei Buloh too last last last week. Can't be bothered to recall what day and date it was. Haha... dah malam brain not functioning well. So there, some of the pictures who wants to talk... haha...

Oh that's Preety my professor for Environmental Impact module. She's responsible for this trip. & joining us were David & Susan Fedo. Wheelock College Director. I swear I was interrupting thier conversation when I asked for permission to snap that picture. Haha... & then we went to Jacob Ballas children's garden at Botanical Garden. Again for Environmental Impact module. It's my second visit there and both my visit there was like raining cats and dogs. The first was with my Boon Lay Garden Primary fours. Here's some displayable pictures. The other pictures if i were to display it, I'll either get killed by Lin or she'll throw away my busuk when she comes my houseto do project on Saturday. Hahaha....

Ok ni anti-climax macam paham nyer gambar. Model maner je sesat!! But nice kan effect?! Hahaa... I exaggerate lagi eh, this is at Jocob Ballas Children's Garden. Naseb nak masok kene ader budak if I'll have my wedding outdoor shoot here. Hahaha....

Haha... and then 6th September, Sunday was papa and mama's 29th anniversary. Not forgetting Abg's 28th birthday too. Was suppose to do child portfolio with Lin. But last last child portfolio buat kiter. Sunday la sehh!! Weekends tau do assignments. Sucha dread! Cannot la, it's too beautiful a day to stress ourself with assignments as yet. So we are going to mug this saturday!! Hur hur...

We went Geylang after dinner to take my baju raye. && I'm excited to say... this loverboy came back last Saturday, on the 5th! It was really a wonderful night spent with him. Though it was just a few hours again, I definitely enjoyed myself. With syg with me, what else can I ask for. Thanks Allah for sending him back to again. Though it was a short while. Went sahur with syg's and my brother. Syg treat to Mcdonald. I ate so much. Nugget and McWings. Ish!! Aper tak gemok Yus!! Had a splendid time talking and talking away. & it was so nice to see my loverboy planning for the future. Seeing him like that makes me wanna marry him tomorrow can?!! Hee... gatal kan Yus?! But anyways, that date spent with syg was really awesome. If I could turn back time, I want 5th September again. Now I'm missing him all over again. =( He kept saying he can't wait for January. His leave. Yes, yang, I can't wait for it too. I nak my sham. *sob* Will wait for your return patietly again hun. Meanwhile take care of yourself hun hun! Cyg awak.

Ok enough the mushyness. Makes me miss him even more. Lately, I've been watching so much Upin & Ipin. Hahaha... Malam2 dah penat pun tengok Upin & Ipin dengan Lin! Haha... with such good company to watch an interesting show, I'm not even bothered to sleep. Haha... was sharing it with Sham when he say:

Sham: Ader anak twin cute.
Me: Uh uh, I nak anak twin macam Upin dan Ipin.
Sham: Ish tak nak la. I tak nak anak I botak. Abeh ader rambut satu je ternaik. Buruk ah!

Hahaha... cute per boyfriend aku ni. Hee... Oh no, macam nak Sham jer nie. Dah ah tak nak talk about him. I'm sooooooo missing him. Kesian Lin nanti kene dengar whining aku. Hahahah... Ok so dah la. This entry is long enough. Don't mind the spelling mistakes. I can't be bothered to check for spelling errors already. Da penat. But I like. This entry brings to me a lot of wonderful memories with my love ones. Ok besok lecture pagi. Nak tdo ah, nak mimpi Sham! Ya huuu!!!