The Sunflower

You definitely can't stand the existing old flower. Thanks for the new. Love it. :)

Are all you guys really the same? I am just so afraid. I swear.

Thoughts.

It's going to be tough. Yet, I will wait for you, come what may. For a moment, I was lost again. If you know what I mean...

-_-

One can forgive but will never forget.

Dear God

Please let today's surgery be a success. May the process goes smoothly. Amin.

See you.

Everything is crushed. Badly. Yet February had been great and it will still be the best month for me. Thank you.

Last.

& with the last, I teared so badly again.

Empty

I have never felt this sad and empty before. When my pillar of support is giving up on me, I am truly left with nothing else to say and do. I never want to cry this much ever again, but today I just did it again. It's not easy for me I swear. It's very much tough to be forced to be strong overnight. I am given with no choice but to move on. What other options do I have anyway? It wasn't easy. Indeed it was tough, but I wish to stay strong.

Now all that is left is just prayers, for you to be happy and safe always. & for me, to stay strong come what may. But nobody understands. Not even the closest one. I lost someone so dear, now I lost the trust of my closest people in my life as well. What am I left with seriously?

In the midst of that arguement in the car just now, I really felt like jumping out of the door while the car was moving really fast. At least I can run away from all the mess in life, particularly my life. Life is nothing but a pain. Every single moment is very much depressing. Amazing how that suicidal thought just rang through my mind. God is great. Just by closing my eyes, HIS name was all I see and instantlly HE stop me from doing what was whirling in my mind. Syukur alhumdulilah.

But truly, I have been through enough. The support and trust of my family is all I need. I don't need this anymore. I am tired. I am truly tired to face my own life. I know what I'm doing, please trust me on this and give me your fullest support. I am doing all this for you. Why is it so hard for you guys to understand?

Since everyone is giving up on me, one day I should just give up on life. Noone will have to worry or sympathize me anymore. One can't truly love me, seriously. They just sympathizes me all the time. Or rather worry about me. How weak was I? I will not be anymore, please stop it already. I don't need you people to be worry, I just need care. I don't need sympathy, I just need love. A sincere one.

Dear God, I lost my love, I don't want to lose my family's love too. Else, I am left with nothing and I will be weakened again. I cannot live with all that. Please God, have mercy. Amin.

Tears, tears & more tears

It's February and i'm very much weak.

Just why?

Why must you be so ego?
Why must you be so afraid to show the world you inner true feelings?

W. H. Y?

Defeat.

I tried to erase all memories with you.
I tried to erase all the love i had for you.
All efforts to erase you from my life failed every single time.
I give up. Goodbye life.

It's so easy for you. You take your leave and ran away so far. How i wish it could be that easy for me too. I wanna go somewhere far away. Where there are no memories of us.

Life is always unfair. I have to be stuck here all alone with all the memories that almost kill me every single day. I really have to thank you for that.

Weakened.

I'm not in favour to face upcoming 20ths. Especially next month's 20th. Pls God, give me strength.

Quiche

It's not for you anymore.

Last goodbye.

& I still have the urge to say goodbye. To kiss your hand and you kissing my forehead. How can that even happen?

Only to realise that separation comes without warning. Too sudden that you will miss the absence terribly and makes you go totally insane.

Mess.

New year, new life? How can that happen when I am still looking back, missing old memories. I want my smile back. The smile I used to have in the past. Everything is such a mess. I'm such a mess.

Still living in denial because you still visit me in my dreams and traces of you are almost everywhere. Still can't believe it i'm embracing a new year without love. Shattered, that I am, but definitely not you. Thanks for everything.

Goodbye hope.

Last day of 2011. A year full of beautiful memories.

& I shall end it with this song in which the song accompanied you nearly 5 years ago, to go down on your knees for me.
How I miss it.

But memories remains as memories forever.

As a matter of fact, true enuf, I was always alone on new year's eve but this time is different, it's without your love.

& this will be the last and final time I'm listening to this.
Goodbye 2011, goodbye hope, goodbye love.

How?

Sometimes I just want to know, how are you without me?
How did you manage to forget all memories?

How did you manage to move on?

How did you manage to forget love?

Or there wasn't any love to start with?

A month after.
But I'm still keeping it.
Still hanging on to memories.

Because I have nothing left, not to love, not for anything.
I am just empty.

I had enough of being the goody to shoes.
It doesn't pay to be nice.
It's time to show the world how dangerous I can be this time.

The thought of leaving this world always occur to me.
One day, I might just really take my leave.
For good because its easier said than done.

Tears again...

I teared looking at these.
Indeed, I'll miss these people.
But I got to be strong and move on from the life I have in my past.

I still can't believe it that this is happening to me.
It seems just yesterday, I was in your arms and you held me tight.

=(