Lonely.

Life is so strange. Each time I try to be happy every single minute, every single hour or even every single day, I am so close to realizing the fact that I am ever so lonely. That's when I realise that I can't live in denial all the time. As much as I try to live each day to the fullest, I felt helpless because I am only pretending to be happy.

Not having that special someone to talk to everyday. Not having to talk with that special someone about how fun or how annoying your day is. Not having that special someone messaging you to even tell you he had just woke up from beauty sleep. All you get is watching your friend intensely messaging and talking to their special someone instead. Witnessing how they make plans to meet up for their dates instead. Well all this truly hurts but I know I can't run away form it. This is life. Suddenly, all that makes me happy ceased for a long time and it looks like I yearn for it so bad. This feelings is sucha pain. I hate it. Badly. Happiness visits me really short and sadness visits more long enough that I just wish I could vanish this instant.


This article makes me thinking for a while. It's rather bothering. Everybody will be telling me, "You have your family, your friends." But it's never the same. As much as I want to be independent, I want to be pampered too. To be loved, to be needed to be cared for. I hate to feel this way. I want to be stronger. I know I can but I really detest the fact that I've already fallen. So deep. All these makes me not want to be a girl anymore.

How I wish you are able to see through my silence that actually speaks a thousand words, my smile explaining the loneliness in my heart and my whirling thoughts that describe how I yearn to have the same old you.

I'm appalled still at myself for being able to make it through each day despite all the strange things happening around me.