Goodbye hope.

Last day of 2011. A year full of beautiful memories.

& I shall end it with this song in which the song accompanied you nearly 5 years ago, to go down on your knees for me.
How I miss it.

But memories remains as memories forever.

As a matter of fact, true enuf, I was always alone on new year's eve but this time is different, it's without your love.

& this will be the last and final time I'm listening to this.
Goodbye 2011, goodbye hope, goodbye love.

How?

Sometimes I just want to know, how are you without me?
How did you manage to forget all memories?

How did you manage to move on?

How did you manage to forget love?

Or there wasn't any love to start with?

A month after.
But I'm still keeping it.
Still hanging on to memories.

Because I have nothing left, not to love, not for anything.
I am just empty.

I had enough of being the goody to shoes.
It doesn't pay to be nice.
It's time to show the world how dangerous I can be this time.

The thought of leaving this world always occur to me.
One day, I might just really take my leave.
For good because its easier said than done.

Tears again...

I teared looking at these.
Indeed, I'll miss these people.
But I got to be strong and move on from the life I have in my past.

I still can't believe it that this is happening to me.
It seems just yesterday, I was in your arms and you held me tight.

=(

No more 20th!

Indeed, 20th has ended with so much pain.
Goodbye world.

Lost.

Tapi kini kau pergi
Membawa mimpi ku
Meragut cinta ku
Merobek angan ku
Sirna segalanya
Musnah semuanya
Ku hanyut di kesepian

You used to say, "To love someone does not mean you will have them." So now you can really see how much I truly love you. Thanks for everything, indeed, I was just the 'Only Hope' you used to say. What we hope for, we don't always get them. A lesson learnt for me, one should not hope so much. It leaves you with just hurt, hurt and many more hurt.

Amidst all...

Despite the dump, hurt, taken for granted and disappointment, i am still missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing you like crazy.

Who'd save me from all this pain? Apparently, noone understands. I'm too weak already. Really.

Little Joys

Sleepless nights are waived by little joys by little ones. The ones you hated cheered this crushed heart.

Memories

I wish it can vanish that easily but memories are too strong to be erased and forgotten. Memories torment me every single day.

It weakens me so bad. I'm so ruin.

Forgotten?

My eyes are wet as rain with the sorrow of the pain.

I've nothing left in this deserted path.

Save me. How strong can I be?

Please...

Love continues cz...

Few years ago, in November, i lost someone so dear forever.

This November, you left me forever.

Next November, i guess i'm going to leave this world forever.

Again.

Single.

Some happiness left as yet...

Didn't know there's still people who reads this blog. Hmm...

Anyways, I was so afraid that my darling baby Nadia will be withdrawing as well with my dear Hesper.
Each time she is not in school, I get so anxious.
Hesper is leaving, one source of happiness is leaving me.
Don't want Nadia to leave me as well.

Besides these children, I don't see the reason to smile every single day.

I find this really meaningful:

"You don't love her. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, she was just good for your ego. Or, maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her. Because you don't destroy people you love."

Still, it is definitely not wrong for her to fall so deeply in love.

What the heart says...

The only mistake I made was to fell in love with you.

Secretly, I cried because you gave me so much sorrow.

You ignorant, wicked one who inflict every tyranny on me.

My love for you will never lessen.

& I swear it on the tears I shed for you.

For I have truly loved you.

& will always continue to love only you.

Too numb.

I think I should be there.

Yusliza, wake up!
He's just not that into you.
Disappointments after disappointments.
& that's when tears dried up on its own.
Still hanging on strongly though to hope and faith.

Those words.

Yes, i sleep like a pig just so i wouldn't trouble you with my never ending problems.

Yes, i sleep like a pig just so i get back the peace of my heart.

Yes, i sleep like a pig to get rid of the loneliness i feel with or without you.

Yes, i have to sleep like a pig because i choose to keep on loving you come what may and through my dreams, i see our beautiful future.

If i don't even have the right to do this, i shall take my leave just so you will stay happy forever and always because it matters to me.

It doesn't make any difference as i will keep on loving with or without you.

The only difference is, i'm not fortunate to have you as my own and for you to own me as a part of you.

These words comes from the heart and it has not been quoted by any hindi movies that i simply love to watch all the time.

Yesterday was neither a threat nor a test. It was actually a heavy decision which I should have made long ago but i was just too weak back then. I still am now but i told myself to stay strong for you, you and only you. For your happiness which you can never get from me.

I still prefer to blog even now because I am sure noone listens. Even if they do, they just wouldn't understand. I thank god, i still have this means to run away from being too depressed with reality for a while.

I'm just so shattered.

At long last.

A great weekend.

:)

Zilch

These few days hasn't been good. Don't know if I was PMS-ing though. If it is, it sure do affect me badly. If affected the way I usually control my emotions. Gosh!

For now, I just hope I'm going to have a happy, birthday this year. Seriously not expecting or asking for much. I just want a happy 4th October for once! That's all.

I'm so sick and tired of being left.
Even when I have anyone around, i'm always treated as though I have no freaking emotions and feelings!
I'm not a freaking robot/ doll/ toys whatever!!!
Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Run away... RUN!!!!!!

Let's run, run from all the mess in life! Life has been all about work work and more work. Nevertheless, I thank Allah for giving me another chance to celebrate Eid with my beloved family and my one and only. Another year of red and hope to have many many more to come.

There's so many differences in perceptions between us thus far. Yet, it's amazing how we can still be together tolerating each other till now. I hope we'll continue to overcome all odds and obstacles in future. Patience is the virtue to all success. Dear God, please bless us with more more love, wealth and health in these many many years to come. Amin.

Work have been hectic. What more when I am still unable to possess driver's license. Annoying! I'm always rushing here and there. I'm practically so exhausted nowadays. Goodness. Birthday is coming. Don't know if I should be excited or happy about it. It's just another year to be old. Grrr... I don't believe in wish list but don't miracle happen? Like seriously. I just wish I could get these things which I long been wanting, no needing actually. But ouh well...

1. Laptop (Not a netbook. It's so hard to do my work with a netbook. Gees...)
2. Digital Camera (Any kind would do as again it's hard to snap pictures of my kids during events and all. Currently using my ipohone to do the job. Takes up space, godness!)
3. External hardisk (500GB is enough)

Okay but well, girls too usually, no mostly, have their wants too. So basically these are the actual wants:

1. Kate Spade purse
2. Marc by Marc Jacob's handbag
3. Pant suit (Preferably the ones in Cotton On)
4. Wedge (okay is that how it's spelt? If there's my size that is.)
5. Forever 21 shoe. (The old school kindda design.)
6. Corset (The one in Far East, the one with leopard prints.)

& the weird weird wants cum wish... I don't know how it can be fullfilled though:

1. Go USS to take pictures of cute cute characters there and some rides (Because technically, I'm totally afraid of those high, fast roller coaster rides but this is not that weird though.)
2. Go Skypark and have someone taking pretty2 pictures of Sham and me. (Preferably jumps shots)
3. Have some professionals teaching me salsa all over again.
4. Go for free hair thickening treatment.

Hahaha.... nonsense! So much for wishlist! Sungguh tak bermakne. Ahh... crap. Bye world.