Broken

I don't have to state how my days were. It goes without saying. I guess I was on my verge, but I was proud of myself that I was still hanging on. Thursday was terrible. Really terrible that I have to skip lecture. Thanks to Beth for being ever so understanding. I didn't know it affect me so much. I didn't know I can be this weak and fragile. Amidst my effort to keep myself occupied and staying positive all the time, the surroundings around me were not helping as well.

I thought I got you to rely on but I guess I am still as alone as ever. Each time I feel like bursting it out to you, I don't think I need to anymore. Mainly because I am just a burden for you. I'm sorry to be this weak and fragile. Only God knows how I truly feel. If only you are in my shoes you'll know exactly how sucky it is to be me right now. But no, I don't want you to be in my state at all. Never!

The urge to message love and tell him in facebook failed all the time because I'm just so certain that I did not want to worry him. I don't want him to feel that he had brought all this to me. It is definitely not. It's just the sucky situation that we are so stuck in. I can't wait for more more years to pass and hopefully all this shit is over. Insyaallah.

Thanks God for showing me who are the people who are really here for me. It was such an eye-opener. Despite all the mess, alhumdulilah! I truly don't feel like talking to anyone about how I truly feel. At this point of my life, it would be really great if I can bring my family to far far away place. Where noone can recognize us. Boston can be a good place. Oh maybe, Italy. Wow! Too bad, finance is always an issue. Urgh!