Perhaps I will only be yours when I'm less of a problem for you. & who said patience is a virtue? Patience are just tormenting.

The blessings of our twentieth.
Alhumdulilah!

Memories

Look! It's my old scandal, Samsung F480 (now with a rubberband). The phone whins in my relationship. Reading through old messages from Sham makes me giggles so much too. Hee...

Actually I miss blogging over littlest things. Or rather I miss posting pictures and blog about it like this. But truth is, I am just so tired each day after tuition and work that I can't seem to find luxury time to blog like I used to again.

When everything is so modernised now, I am still waiting for one apps that is blogger's app. Where I can post pictures and blog at the same time. So I don't have to use safari instead. Haha... Easier this way. If not, what the use of smartphone anyway. =)

Nevertheless, I'm not switching to tumblr or whatsnot because blogger is more like a diary to me and its been over 5 years now that I'm blogging. At timees, I still fiind myself browsing thorugh past years entries and smile over them. Then I began to realise memories stays as memories. =(

Not again, after bronchitis its...

So, been lying on the bed for 3 days straight. The only time I'm up was when i'm visiting the toilet, to eat and to go see doctor. 3 days not going to work is crazy. Can't wait to go back to work tommorrow.

This had been the worst fever I ever had! 39.5 was really crazy temperature I must say. & the second visit to see Dr Khairul then I got to know that the fever was caused by tonsilitis. It's a lump at the throat. If the pain persist, I may need to undergo operation. Scary shit. No no!!! I know that 'Doctor' look on Dr Khairul's face when he say the operation is not painful. Dengz!!

Now when I'm suppose to eat ice-cream I don't feel like having it. Since when did I say 'no' to ice-cream. Gees!!

Finally...

So finally graduated. Yesterday was commencement and it went perfectly well. Alhumdulilah. 2 years of mugging & sleepless nights finally paid off. Not as excited for it actually. Maybe because the most important person to me think its no biggie too. Well, perhaps. So whatever. It's just a pece of paper which determines our numbers. But well, this time i'm in the papers. Jeng jeng jeng... Nevertheless, Happy graduation to me! =)

Pathetic

It's pathethic to look through your contacts one by one hoping that one is free enough to go out with you during the weekends.
& when there is someone to go out with, I am just not allowed to be out with that person.
Fantastic, awesome, great!
This is how sad my life can be.

Just because i'm the more sensible one I don't get that much attention.
What I always hope and wish for will never happen.
That's why I prefer to do things on my own.

FML!

I hate being alone!!!!

I hate i hate i hate!!!!

I said it 3 times means i really mean it!

Usuals

It's either i'm alone as always and the scary thoughts began to whirl or friends prefer to just walk away.
What right do I have anymore against love?

Although it was only 3 short hours, it was indeed a great one.
He was crazily missed by yours truly.
Brought home quite a few things for me.
Belgium shirt, Egypt ship and most importantly him.
Now, that I like the most.

He brought with him movies like I hate love story and Anjaana Anjaani.
Intend to watch with him when he's back but looks like he's kindda bored at work.
Can't wait to talk about the movie with him when he's back.
To know which one he likes and all.
Oh man I sure as hell miss terribly him already now.

The littlest things that he talk about during that 3 hours we had yesterday was really an unforgettable one.
When he asked about the confirm date, him talking leave from Arpil to October next year for our wedding preparations, our ideal honeymoon and then our baby names.
He can be super random and cute at times.
No wonder I am sooo in love.

Urgh!
I officially hate him for making fall so deep.
I miss crapping with my hunneyboo!
Gees!

p/s: Finally, love like something I bought for him: The Arnold Palmer shirt. Fits him just right. My hunk!

Yet again...

Gosh I miss blogging so much.
After so long, believe it or not, I have already forgotten my password to get access to this blog.
Gees, been sooooo busy lately with new work.
Nevertheless, work have been going on fine.
Life as a principal sure do is hectic.
Thrice harder than the role of a teacher.
Still the challenge for me to take up this role has been encouraging me to constantly progress in my profession.

Love my career, love my colleagues that I'm working with and most importantly, love my children.
The cutest beings exist as for now.
Can't wait to have my own.
Preferably a boy will be good! Hahaha....

Lately, I have been watching hindustan a lot.
Of course, I've been so outdated ever since school.
So now since school is sooo over, I'm trying to catch up.

Till then, I realised, all these new movies actually,
they have crappy kindda storyline. Wth!
& I find myself watching old movies with all those nice songs again and again.
Like these ones...

Yea, miss the significant other.
No doubt.
Need him badly but manage to drown and indulge myself to other matters to get him outta my mind for maybe a few seconds.
Hahaha...

Haish.. life has been so exhaustingly draining.
Welcome Yus to the real word.

Life's a routine.

Self-entertainment is good but too much of it is suffocating and tiring.
Aftermath is just pure boredom.

This is what happen when you don't have someone you called a best friend anymore.
This is what happened when boyfriend is so far away.
Everything spells L.O.N.E.L.Y.

& when someone I long for is coming back soon, I still have butterfly in my stomach.
Can't help it because the past still haunt so badly.
Nightmare fills my night & it was worst than the past that had happened.
God, I hate I. :(

Lonely.

Life is so strange. Each time I try to be happy every single minute, every single hour or even every single day, I am so close to realizing the fact that I am ever so lonely. That's when I realise that I can't live in denial all the time. As much as I try to live each day to the fullest, I felt helpless because I am only pretending to be happy.

Not having that special someone to talk to everyday. Not having to talk with that special someone about how fun or how annoying your day is. Not having that special someone messaging you to even tell you he had just woke up from beauty sleep. All you get is watching your friend intensely messaging and talking to their special someone instead. Witnessing how they make plans to meet up for their dates instead. Well all this truly hurts but I know I can't run away form it. This is life. Suddenly, all that makes me happy ceased for a long time and it looks like I yearn for it so bad. This feelings is sucha pain. I hate it. Badly. Happiness visits me really short and sadness visits more long enough that I just wish I could vanish this instant.


This article makes me thinking for a while. It's rather bothering. Everybody will be telling me, "You have your family, your friends." But it's never the same. As much as I want to be independent, I want to be pampered too. To be loved, to be needed to be cared for. I hate to feel this way. I want to be stronger. I know I can but I really detest the fact that I've already fallen. So deep. All these makes me not want to be a girl anymore.

How I wish you are able to see through my silence that actually speaks a thousand words, my smile explaining the loneliness in my heart and my whirling thoughts that describe how I yearn to have the same old you.

I'm appalled still at myself for being able to make it through each day despite all the strange things happening around me.

When Bestie gets older...

Bestie's 23 now. Old old old...
Muahahaha!!
Happy birthday best friend.
May God bless you with great wealth and health always.
Will always pray for your happiness because you deserve every inch of it.

Not quite sure if he'll read this but ouh well, its from the bottom of my heart.
That picture was like 4 years ago I guess.
My orbit look explains, it's sucha a looong ago photo. Hahas.
It was his birthday too.
A surprise for him from Man and Me.

Thought of doing something for him again this year.
Planned for quite a while lately but did not carry on due to some factors.
Best friend and me were having quite some rough moments lately.
But nevetheless, we are still the best of friends and will always hope for the best for each other.

Still, miss those days back then.
When we both meet like almost everyday!
Tak reti penat!! LOL!!

Ok lah, akhir kate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUHAMMAD RUSYDI a.k.a YUS'S BEST FRIEND.
=)

Randomness prevails

I am so hardworking nowadays to update the bloggie.
I think blog have been my best friend nowadays.
I'm like blogging at this hour with my iphone 4, while lying on the bed listening to Bruno Mars, Marry you.


Race was like a 2008 movie but I only managed to like watch it just now.
Gees, shows how school have taken much of my time.
Action research is crazy.
Reminded me of the good old days of IEP with Lin and Khai.
It was indeed tiring but it was all worthwhile.
Miss those days.


Work, school and tuition tommorrow.
I truly love to tire myself out.
Joy! ;)

Wishful thinking

With so much hope I wish you'd say this:

"Ku berikan cintaku juga sayangku
Percaya padaku ku ‘kan menjagamu
Hingga akhir waktu menjemputku
Saat ku tahu kau akan pergi jauh"

Retail Therapy Love

Let's forget sorrow.
Let's push aside misery.
Because all these will lead to nothing but pain.
Let's look at beautiful things like these...

B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!!!
Pamper me with these and you'lll get an extra love from me.
Muahahahaha!!

Doubts

I decided to check on it again.
& great, after doing that, doubt starts increasing.

I don't know why, but I think I have to be prepared for the worst again.
To be cheated over and over again hurt so bad.
Like totally.

I don't know what's on your mind.
I don't know what exactly that you want.
All I know is your actions are hurting me terribly.

What more when I am ever so alone all the time.
I wanna feel good for once.

Who can I confide to now?
All others can say is, I brough it upon myself for being too trusting.
Is it so wrong to even love someone?
Is it a mistake to start trusting someone?

Now, I just can't help to think that whatever that someone ever told me was true.
God, what have life put me through?
I'm sucha total failure when it comes to love I guess.

An hour after midnight...

The gatal me... I just have the urge to let him see.
So there you go.
So much for trying not to be the same old mushy me, I sent it to him.
Gees... Yus oh Yus... WEAK!

When he is truly miss...

Exactly four years ago, we ended twentieth February dancing with this song.
Witnessed by the beautiful moon, we were both in truly, madly in love.
I wished even till today and the days to come, our love will continue to multiply.
Let's end the fourth twentieth with this song again.



We may separated by the seas, oceans and whatsnot, but I will always hope that, that heart of yours is still meant for me and only me. ilya&f.