Broken

I don't have to state how my days were. It goes without saying. I guess I was on my verge, but I was proud of myself that I was still hanging on. Thursday was terrible. Really terrible that I have to skip lecture. Thanks to Beth for being ever so understanding. I didn't know it affect me so much. I didn't know I can be this weak and fragile. Amidst my effort to keep myself occupied and staying positive all the time, the surroundings around me were not helping as well.

I thought I got you to rely on but I guess I am still as alone as ever. Each time I feel like bursting it out to you, I don't think I need to anymore. Mainly because I am just a burden for you. I'm sorry to be this weak and fragile. Only God knows how I truly feel. If only you are in my shoes you'll know exactly how sucky it is to be me right now. But no, I don't want you to be in my state at all. Never!

The urge to message love and tell him in facebook failed all the time because I'm just so certain that I did not want to worry him. I don't want him to feel that he had brought all this to me. It is definitely not. It's just the sucky situation that we are so stuck in. I can't wait for more more years to pass and hopefully all this shit is over. Insyaallah.

Thanks God for showing me who are the people who are really here for me. It was such an eye-opener. Despite all the mess, alhumdulilah! I truly don't feel like talking to anyone about how I truly feel. At this point of my life, it would be really great if I can bring my family to far far away place. Where noone can recognize us. Boston can be a good place. Oh maybe, Italy. Wow! Too bad, finance is always an issue. Urgh!

Twentieth

Hunneyboo, it's our 47th twentieth.

Wish you're here with me buu.
Hope you are doing well at work too.
Will always pray for your safety and good health.
Come back soon hun.

Lonely

Now that blogs are not the 'IN thing anymore, I feel secure having to state down my thoughts and feelings here. Because basically I don't think anyone even bloghop anymore. Haha... I really wanted to blog since that past few days but somehow I was just so exhausted after doing reflections after reflections. So I rather head off to dream land or read that ne book of mine.

I don't know what attract me so much to this book that I bought it. I just started reading, so not so sure if it's that good. I'll either, watch How I met your mother or this, my new addiction:

Yes, I hate love story! Imran Khan, superr superrr hot hot hot. The movie was ok... and suddenly watching this part reminds me of someone again....

I hate weekends. I get so lonely every weekends. I sure do lack of friends. Feel like letting it out by messaging Sham in facebook or something. Maybe he could read sometime later. But nah... I don't find it good at all. Perhaps, I will just worry him which I should not be doing. I should be supporting what he's doing. He's not having a nice time too there with work. I really hope so though. Haish... but yea. Now I know how alone I'll feel without Sham and family.

Such a challenge for me when each time guys are free for me but not the girls. I'd really prefer the girls actuallie. Haish.... I shall not rant further. It's just a bore... Goodbye world.

You're the drug.

So last Thursday at 2 am, love called.
I was asleep already so, explained my mind was kindda not in the right state when he called.
Nevertheless, I was overjoyed like nobody's business.
HAHA!
& despite the long wait for his messages or calls, the most stupidest reply I could ever give him through his fb message was...

SYG SYG SYG SYG SYG?
Apehal ini Yus?
Takder lain nak reply ke? LOL!
Spells L.A.M.E times inifinity. =)

Ok this might sound pathethic (if love is reading, accpet this love), love never commented on anything eversince I have a fb acc.
& so i saw this in m notifications.

You just broke the record hun.
Haha...

Since love message me in fb, I think this is really a good means for me to say something to him while he is away.
His e-mail is wayyyy useless.
Full of junks!

Haha... i miss my man.
Like sooo much.
My weekends are always so boring to the max without him.
It's so hard to get friends to go out with me since they have their on plans with boyfriends as well.
Haish, I'm not even single yet I find it hard to find comapany.

& my desktop died on me.
There goes my How I Met Your Mother marathon.
How bored can I get?

Syg, I nak you. So bad. =(

Silence

I laugh, I smile, I joke, I giggle.
I congratulate myself for all that.
Nevertheless, recurring thoughts haunts me a lot.
I felt so bothered each time that I feel like running away from everyone to far far away land.
Being lonely has become my bestest of friend.
But i hate this best friend of mine.

"How faithful are you?"
"How much do you long for us?"

God, please, if you can, walk me through this mess.
I need your guidance.
Please God, good night.

Sweet & Sour 2010

I like the title of this post. Yup, 2010 was full of sweets and sours. I somehow love and hate this year. Such a complicated year indeed. Usually I am soo lazy to the maximum to state highlights of the year here, in my blog. But somehow or rather this year motivates me to put them down in words here. Haha... Anyways ok let's skip January. I think it was just about school, assignments and worries. Lin will know what is it. No one else should know. Ok maybe Sham and Dayah too. LOL! So February, Sham's back and his turn to do something for our 3rd anniversary.

Love brought me to Resorts World for the first time and of course for the first time, I broke my virginity to clubbing. LOL! How lame can that be. At 22? Word! So had dinner at Fiesta Hotel and a surprise photo shoot at iGallery. Love the dress and love my Muhammad Hisham Amir. =)

Let's skip March to May. Not much happened except that sham went off sailing like again. Then the 2nd best part of 2010, SUMMER IMMERSION PROGRAM. BOSTON BOSTON BOSTON here I come!! LOL!! First ever time I stepped in the US, on a plane and far away from the family.

Thanks to these rock chichas for the beautiful moments I had in Wheelock College, Boston, Summer Immersion Program 2010. Love you my drop dead gorgeous ladies!

Then Let's skip August because basically August was just a month of heartbreak. Except maybe the 22nd, Thursday. Fast forward September and then OCTOBER. Boston was 2nd best thing that happened in 2010 and so what's the best. It sure gotta be the engagement. Couldn't believe it all happened so quickly. & now I'm some one's fiancee. How nicee... =)

& not forgetting of course our birthday. I simply love our birthday cake. *wide smile*

Then a month after, November the 4th, my first trip beyond Singapore with love. A short yet exciting getaway with love. Though it could be better, it was surely a great first time out of the country together. Hope for more more and more.

& then he went off sailing again. Now I simply cannot stop worrying if he'll be surrounded with beautiful Brazil ladies there. Gosh! Guys would be guys you know. Ok whatever, let's just make it my worry alone.

So 2011? How ya doing? Please be good to me alright? Been through a lot in 2010 and I'm kindda exhausted, so be nice ok? Pleaseee... I'm actually nervous and afraid to usher you in but nevertheless, I am excited to welcome you too.

So yea, How I met Your Mother had been the new addiction thanks to Sham of course. Should be hitting on assignments now but it seems like I am so watching How I Met Your Mother now. So toddles Earthlings! Happy embracing 2011!

Miss you.

Alright, so besides missing Sham badly, I miss blogging so much.
It seems like dinosaur years since I last update. Been tiring and making myself busy with work and tuition lately.
Camp was successfully over for BASC and the K2.
& Apparently on the very same day I had camp, Sham returned to Singapore but what luck, we didn't get to meet.

Gosh, my love story is so sad.
Tough love I must say.

My life is sucha a bore.
Work, sleep, eat, work, eat, sleep.
Besides loving someone deeply every single day, I never fail to wonder how much is he missing me everysingle day too. LOL!

& then some things just snapped me to get back to reality.
There's just so many things to settle to.
2 years is not even enough.
I feel like pointing a gun at myself when doubt begin arising in me on NOW!
Alright, so this cannot be happening.
Yus, go get freshened up.

When I am away from this computer, it seems like I have a lot to babble here.
But when I start hitting on the keyboard, my mind goes blank.
Well, what's new?!

So I shall get back to watching some hindustan and How I met your mother.
& yes baby, you got me hooked to this.
Naughty boy!

&& a few confession, I miss being in love.
& as in not literally, just physically.
Urgh, whatever. Goodbye world!

Sick

I so lost my voice.
Even Doctor Khairul was shocked to see how sore my throat was.
& I hate it when I have to scream at those kids with this kindda voice.
& I totally hate it when I have to talk with parents with this kindda voice too.

Ms Lee is giving birth, so work is total hectic.
I'm lucky I'm working with best friend.
Some motivation to go to work.
Lady boss has been really nice too.
Glad that I am working in this kindda environment.

Research and interventions has been going on smoothly.
But no doubt, it's kindda chewing Lin's and my brain so much too.

Love my K2s who is like graduating soon.
I am sooo dead, K1 don't know their 7 days in a week!
*faints*
Good night friends, I'm off to lalaland to dream about love.
I miz him so much. ;..(

The day he went away.

It felt like just yesterday that I first wore that ring.
& so did he.
But today, Love left for work.
Africa. Brazil. China.

Dear God,
Please be nice to my man and keep him safe always.
Even he don't know how much I love him.
Thank you God.

Love you buu.
Till our next meeting.
I'm gonna miz you badly for sure.
After so long I cried buckets.
Ilmy my love.

21st of the month date.

Date with love today before he leaves for sailing in a few hours time.
Damn, I wish time can stop NOW, yes NOW.
I have to get use to being far away from love all over again.
Haish, nevertheless, I'm always supporting him and his carreer.

ILMY BUU...


Had KFC for dinner.
Delicious, just like love. Hur hur...
But we were still hungry so Teh Tarik la next target. =)

Haish, don't know when will be my next date with Sham love.
I don't wanna face Monday.
*pulls hair*

Updates, FINALLY!

Yup had a short getaway with love to Batam last Deepavali holiday.
A 3 days 2 nights.
It was great fun with great company.
Thanks hun!

This was first day.
& love plan was to wear the same shirt on each day.
So first day was Boston Massaachusettes shirt. =)
Due to my blurness, I left love's Boston jacket in the car. =(
So no hoodie for us.

Then second day was Malacca shirt.
Hee... so cute la syg!

Comes third day, BATAM shirt of course.
There's just too many pictures.
Knowing how lazy I am, I can't be bothered to upload it here. =)
Pictures are all credits to Muhd Hanafi.
Yup, love's beloved bro a.k.a the king of short forms.

Last weekend was Kakak Ana & Abg Imran's wedding.
& also, love treat to Manhattan Fish. Thanks sweetheart.

This was Saturday for the nikah.
We wore black. <3<3>Then the sanding on Sunday.
Orangey me and greyish for my buu.

I hate to say this, but yeah, his leaving me for Europe this time round.
Urgh, I hate his job but I love him!
Ok I think that was said for zillions of times before by me.
Hur hur... =)

Things that happened.

I am so not going to betray blogger for facebook. LOL!
I am still updating because I simply love blogging.
Rambling away is so my forte.
Ok what happened last few days.

Lately, went on a short date with love on a Thursday after work to watch The Last Exorcism.
Stupid ending. So not worth the money.
Lucky for love becuase it was my treat.

Weekends was just about slacking.
Saturday watch hindustan all day long at home.
On the phone with best friends.
Then off to dreamland.

Sunday went over to love's place.
Helped his mum to kirai roti jala.
Then we're off to serious lepaking.
Literally lepaks because he was sleeping while I was reading.
Love the serenity, the calmness and the quietness to get to read peacefully.

Watching the sunset was great.
Such a nice view.
With so many kites flying.
It was really a beautiful scenery.
Great company and a great day to end the week.
Thanks love.

Come Tuesday, had a date with the Busted 2.
Watched Paranormal Activity 2.
A treat for her belated birthday.
Again, stupid ending!
Again, I wasted my money! Gees...
Just my luck, 2 crappy movies.
& what luck, both was my treat. HAHA!

Once love sail, I am so not watching movies.
Replenish my lost. AHAHAH.

Will have a short getaway with love to Batam.
Wee...

Psychoed

Yep yep!
Yes peeps, you're so right.
I'm on facebook.
All thanks to who?
Who else if not Sharifah Badriah a.k.a Busted 2!
WTH?! Hahaha

After much psycho-ation from this girl, I agreed and without further a do si minah ni create an account for me.
Thanks ehh Sharifah! Rajin nyer la kau! =)
Will wait for Nur Azlina to open hers and then I will start adding more friends.
As promised k Lin? =)

Had dinner at Fish & Co with the Busted 2.
Then melepak straight at Haagen Daaz.
The place where my fb was born.

Haha... & our Mystique was superb, awesomeness and yummylicious!

Woo hoo!!

Ok bye world.

Another night.

Love came and we watched this.
Hilarious movie I must say. Hur hur...
Love just went home and I kindda miss him already, oh no!!
Yesterday was hell of a night.
Though it still hurt a little, hopefully tonight will be much much better.

Love's cousin, Abg Eunos is so reponsible for this phrase being uttered upteen times:
"Yo ma man!"
Muahahaha!!

Entry posted via iphone

Pain oh pain!

Cannot sleep, cannot sleep, cannot sleep!!!
Pain, pain, pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Entry posted via iphone.

Abdomen oh abdomen!

Why did i even bother confiding in you???!!!!
Do you even care??!!
MORON!!!!!!
Sorry,heck it is hurting soooo God damn bad!!!
Help me someone, anyone, God, Please!!!!!


Entry posted by via iphone.

Heart.

Whatever the quandary,
Whatever the questions,
Your heart never fails you.
Listen to your heart and make the decisions your desire.

Entry posted by via iphone.

& Again...

Yesterday was twentieth and movie day again with love.
A great day spent with love on our twentieth.
Rented Raaz and watch it first after Do & Me dinner.

Next movie was Stomp the Yard 2.
It was okay, nothing so wow though.

& since love haven't watch Lagenda Budak Setan, we watched that movie straight after.
Went for Prata breakfast at 6am after the movies.
Thanks for the day hun.
It was indeed an enjoyable one.

So, yours truly went to developed the engagement pictures just now.
Can't wait for it to be ready tomorrow. =)

& I got myself a new clothes for my iphone 4.
Brownish maroon. I loike! =))
Before I end, Happy 22nd Birthday my Busted 2, Shariffah Badriah! Love you!
Ok, goodbye world.

"Once bitten twice shy, once its broken its hard to mend it back.
Let time tells it all, its up to you to prove the sincerity, if there's love."

The Sleep Over

Last Sunday was a day with love.
First, went to rent dvd for our movie marathon at night then to Vivo.
Yep, vivo like again but this time, straght to Armani Exchange.

Went home and first unexpected movie that we watched was Kal Ho Na Ho.
Because basically it was on Star Gold, so gotta watched it.
Though we've watched it upteen times, we are still so into it.
Love, did you tear while watching?
ROFL!!!

Next movie on the line was Valentine's day.
Hilarious, romantic comedy. I like!!
Served pizza for love.
Very instant, i also like! LOL!

Then next movie, The Last Song.
A bit slow but touching movie.
Love slept at my crib that night.

Made fried rice for breakfast with some side dishes to go along.
Hopefully love likes it though there were some flaws in between.
Yet, it was still edible. Hur hur...

Thanks for the night love.
Gonna miss all these once you sail again. =(
For now, I have tonnes of marking to do.
GAAAH!!
Help anyone?

All over again.

Catch this with the cousin yesterday.

A very hilarious, romantic and entertaining movie to watch.
Worth the money. =)

Had dinner at Ramenten.
Bad service. Gees...

Thanks deq for the great night talking and talking away.
That we did not even snap a single photo ytd.
Wth! Haha...

"I'm just afraid the promises you made is beginning to lose its meaning."